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Once you go Freak, you never go back Yeah, I've noticed lately that Dan spoiled me. It's not entirely his fault; I'd be a freak on my own given enough time. He just sped up the process. Sadly, this leaves me a little lacking in the normal relationship department. I realized this visiting Jeff last night. I do like him, and how he treats me, but going back to a vanilla relationship really isn't an option. I know, I thought I could hack it, but now I've realized that it just won't work. My flirty half joking comments tend to weird him out, and I'm baffled trying to comprehend the basics of straight male interactions. (I know I've watched a lot at work, but being around bis and gays all the time tends to stunt this social skill.) So, knowing that I'm offending him, I can't keep going on. I got to be true to my weirdness and my odd sexual perversions. With him, I feel like I got to keep my allusions to a minimum because EVERYTHING beyond basic swinging sets his head spinning, and I know I can't do that. As a student of sexuality, I have to keep pushing the boundaries to learn more, and I can already tell that he's not interested in the stuff I've already covered. So, trying to further my perversions would probably be out of the question. That is something I miss about Dan. He was good about being as big of a freak as I was, though at times he'd push it too far. Happens to everyone, though I'm getting a consistant vibe that I'm too strange for him. Anyway, enough analyzing that. I'm not visiting him again for awhile. He was stressed last night so nothing happened. I brought some smoke to share with him and his housemate, which we did, and then he just kept discussing sales he has to make, etc. I tried to get into it, but it was impossible, so I gave up. I felt a bit used, but my weird little side comments probably didn't help. It just sucked that I wasted the gas and the weed to watch a biker buildoff when I could've stayed home and read something interesting. Whatever. Other than that, work is going okay. No new drug tests, and I'm making some decent sales. The phones are starting to ring, which is good, and we're finally getting some business. Overall, I get the impression I'm grating on my boss's nerves, so I probably have to act more professional, but it's difficult when you work with people you can relax around. I also met a hot tech today, and it was hard to hold my Slutgirl identity back, but I managed, though I hope we run into each other again. Nothing much else going on. Still looking for Friday night fun. Dan is supposed to visit tonight, which should be a nice change. Daphne |