Too Much to Worry About
Sorry I haven't been around. I've been too stressed to want to go online and talk to anyone these days. For
those of you who have emailed, I'm terribly sorry that I wasn't able to respond until today. Lately, I've been
worrying too much to really care what's going on outside my front door. When I'm not smoking myself stupid, I've
been trying to lose myself in a book so I won't focus on my problems as much. Overall, they're not huge problems,
but they still manage to trouble me.
Mostly its the money issue I'm trying to ignore. I've just dropped below four grand in my bank account so I'm
getting worried. I like to have a small cushion of cash for emergencies. I hate living to the wire. I haven't
done it in so long that I wouldn't know how to make it work. I've always lived within my means, but seeing my
account dwindle with nothing coming in is scary. At least when I was a whore, I was making SOMETHING.
That brings me to the second problem, selling. I cant' seem to get anything to close. I've done some decent
proposals, but it always seems like to the wrong people. I also can't seem to get the final details worked out on
several projects, though I have had positive feedback from the other people involved. So, overall, I'm hella
frustrated. I don't want to keep nagging people, but promises don't pay the gas bill. I know, I know, that sort
of attitude will get projected consciously or subconsciously if I keep dwelling on it, but I can't seem to avoid
Well, I can with narcotics, but as I'm running low on cash we're both going to quit in the next week or so. Dan
to clean out for a real job, and me because I'm poor. I don't know how I'll survive, any prayers would be
And that brings me to the fun of working the trade show today. Half of me thinks I could've done better cold
calling, but once the crowd got moving it was pretty interesting. Larry got on my nerves, as usual, but overall
it was okay. I got out of my shell, talked to people, and even made a few useful contacts. Yeah, a lot of people
blew me off, including one huge fat pizzaria owner who stared right through me when I said hello, only pausing to
devour an entire buffalo wing for my viewing digust. It was horrible at times, I was certain someone stole my car
when I couldn't find it in the lot after I was relieved by Matt, but it had its decent moments. I just got to learn to be less excited about actually getting people to talk to me, and less pissed when Larry manages to get a contact in my area. Sometimes he is nice and tosses me a bone or two, but it is a cutthroat business in general. I guess everything is once you look at it.
Anyway, I'll try to keep this updated. I got in touch with my Aunt Kim, and that seems like it might hold a bright new relationship. She's my coolest aunt, very nonjudgmental, and, fortunately, the one I know the least about because she lives in South Carolina. The long distance may kill me, but I really liked talking to her. Once Dan gets back on his feet I'll try to get back in touch with her. Until then, the only leeway I have in bills is reducing the food budget. I hate doing it, but I know its doable. Speaking of which, I'm starving.