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Crying Jags 1-3 I've been having a hard day. I just finished my third crying jag, which fortunately proved worthless. I present to you a tale of stupidity and a miracle. Okay, I'm not sure how it happened, but I went to put my contacts in and I got the right one in. I looked for the left in its side, but it wasn't there. It was on the floor by my mirror all dried out. It was nearly flat! I freaked, threw it in the container, added a ton of liquid, and waited half an hour to see if the moisture would help. When I went back, it seemed to be in its normal state. Now, I knew that if it was scratched or torn I could fuck up my cornea by putting it in, but it looked normal so I decided to chance it. For some reason, when I put my right one in the second time (I removed it because using the one eye made me feel too much like a pirate which was distracting) it went in on the first try. The thought of fucking up my left eye made me flinch too much the first time, but I got it in on the second shot. Guess what? They're fine and my eyes aren't even burning. Some credit to Bausch and Loumb there. Oh you want to know what my other jags were about? Well the morning one was about my failure in the porn industry. Even though I'm not super heavy and I'm totally willing to work, I can't seem to get a job. Maybe I was blacklisted by somebody. I don't know. I feel cursed though so I'm going to head in another direction, writing. On my second crying jag, which revolved around my not mourning the loss of my mother's relationship, I realized that I should write something about my childhood. Even if it sucks, it will be good for me. I've got a lot of shit that I just need to get out. I also think it might be helpful for Dan and others to understand me more. So, I think I'm going to do a piece on my lost childhood. It's going to be stream of consciousness type writing focusing on memories, which fade and omit details constantly. Hopefully, I can start this today or tomorrow. I'm tired already. I should go for another hike. Maybe I'll blow off editing that BD story to write this thing. It's rare that stuff speaks to me. Daphne |