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Agnst agnst go away! I can never figure out how to open these things. Might not be the best time to write either because I have to go gym soon and I just got off the phone with another angst-filled human being. Oy, getting so sick of angst. Sick of it! Must turn angst into labor or product or somethiing. Perhaps that's why I paint. I don't know. Just sick of friends and family being so depressed and upset when, most of the time, I can't do much to alleviate it. In fact, I keep feeling like I add to it. It's only going to get worse too because I'm thinking of expanding my modeling jobs out of state/region, which means I'll be travelling for long periods of time. Well, not LONG periods of time, but a few days in a row at least. I think it will be good for me, but I'm worried about everybody that I'll leave behind because I seem to be the sole support system for a few people. I don't want to feel guilty about starting a decent career, but I don't want to not start it either just because of emotional co-dependence. So, in short my angsty-filled friends and family, please stop trying to fit me into your career/time-frame/beliefs/needs mold. If you continue to demand that I lead my life in YOUR shoes or by YOUR rules, YOU'RE going to find that's the easiest way to get rid of me permanently. In fact, I'm slowly learning that even my parents are replacable/forgettable these days, so anyone lower on my emotional chains can probably be removed too, including those of you guilting me for not spending enough time with you *ahem* Codi, D, etc. Enough ranting though. I actually had a good day working yesterday. the photographer was late but he was a cool guy and easy to work with. Very relaxed and made you feel good despite body size. We shot some stuff in my apartment and then went to the Hot Tub Gardens to shoot some swimwear and nudes. Unfortunately, they were only promo shots, but he knows a lot of people and feels bad about my previous ripoffs so I think he will come through. If not, I got at least two good meals out of the deal and I was able to hang out in a tub for an hour, so not a horrible waste of a day. Besides, he was fun to talk to and work with, so I'm happy with the transaction and that's what is important. Other than that, worked on Olympia yesterday for a bit, and she's coming along. I need some idea of how to make the background look more like a motel room and what she should have at her feet on the couch to show that she's a whore (right now, thinking dildos). I'm a little stumped on both counts, but I am sure I will figure it out. The main figures are in though, and some shading is done so it's not looking too bad. I need to work on it a lot more though. I'm glad that I have something to do though, because it helps kill time when I can't work. That and it's an almost productive way of killing time, so it feels like work. Maybe I'll be lucky though. Maybe I can sell this one on Ebay or something. Hmmm Ebay. Should get working with that to sell some stuff around the house. Usually I just toss shit, which I also have to do before the move, but if someone else will buy it that's always a plus. God my life is boring. Other than people taking turns to occasionally crap on my head, more on that later, not much is really going on. I should get my butt in gear and find some places to travel to and work. That reminds me, must get the passport papers printed in case that company in Ireland actually does hire me. Now, THAT would rock ass! Daphne |