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You Want Money or a Daughter? Oh, I Guess MONEY! Okay kids, if life couldn't get any worse I decided to cut off ties to my mother. I also decided to publish the letters between us, money omitted of course, to let you see the problem. I spent a good portion of yesterday on crying jags and composing my response. Maybe she'll understand. I checked on-line last night about the CD and it matures in 2005. You will have to send me the papers on the loan and I will have to make payments for a while. I need the payments to be around $75 a month. Grams intended the money to help you thru colege and I will make sure that this bill is paid. With this and the charge card you will have spent over $X. When you gave this money to me it created alot of difficulties. I paid taxes on it, I was ineligible for state assistance( food stamps, heating credit, child care etc.) This household runs on $A a month. I had three jobs last year and grossed $Y. I quit the waitress job last Dec because of two things. I got deathly sick and Jerrica's grades droped ( the job was in the early eveing) I have earned year- to- date $z. I will look for another job this week to pay for the college bill but I need the paperwork sent up here. Chances are that I will not make the graduation. Two reasons: one the extra job..I will be working. two...Dad is involved in this and I do not want to discuss it with him. Anything I do will be wrong. I am sad and hurt that he is even involved in this matter. It is between you and me (and grams wishes). Don't worry about the roof...I will fix it to get by...Don't worry about us..I will figure it out. I am also canceling the credit card that you are using that is mine. I will save that scheduled money for the student loan. I hope this will not come between us. You are a good daughter and a beautiful person. I believe that I am fulfilling Grams wishes by helping you with your medical...food...and tuition... I love you very much....more than you realize....Good luck in this world... Mom And my response to all this BS: (after much soul searching) Mother, I have been thinking/crying about this for the past two days and I decided that I do not want the money. I already chopped the credit card and I decided to grow up. I did not tell dad of your offer to pay off the loans but I have mailed the paperwork and I will take care of things like the adult that I am. Your news that you are unwilling to attend the most important events in my life hurts me deeply, however. I can understand not attending today's presentation, but the fact that you are unwilling to put aside your differences with my father to be there for me at my college graduation shows a complete lack of adult mentality, because you should be able to put aside your shit for a day to be there for me, YOUR daughter. From this decision, I have no idea if you will even attend my future marriage, Ph.D. presentation, etc. I also feel extremely hurt because I had these wonderful plans about cooking a gormet meal for your side of the family but these dreams are now crushed. Perhaps you feel I brought this on myself, and I know you are hurting too, but I need to let you know my reaction to your behavior. I have been debating about asking you to attend, but seeing as you are set against it, I must make an even harder decision. I love you mom. I really do. I always think I will but right now I cannot deal with the pain you are causing me in addition to my current stress over school, job hunting, and my father's health conditions. I can no longer handle feeling like I am the only one in this relationship reaching out. I love that we almost had a close relationship for four years, but I hate that you broke that trust by this refusal. So it is with a heavy heart that I have decided that I will no longer attempt to contact you until I can get over the mistakes we both have made. I love you and I want you in my life, but not like this. The pain I have with this separation is similar to the pain of the first separation, and I am sure I will overcome it with time and, with time, I believe I will contact you, but I honestly cannot deal with the emotional roller coaster that is our relationship. Please tell my sister that I love her and I will always love her like a sister. If she ever wants me or needs me for anything, let her contact me. I do want to be a part of her life if she wants me in it. I am not adverse to helping her in any way that I can, be it money, advice, or love. I will continue to pray for both of you, and I hope that you can give her the love and support that I feel you are denying me at what should be the happiest time in my life. Please also understand that I do love you and I will always think of you as my mother, not even dad can change that. I just need some space to get a handle on my life without causing myself undue harm. I believe that I have tried to be a good daughter to you, but if you disaggree I apologize. Perhaps this separation will be good for both of us. Your firstborn, Daphne P.S. I am sorry that I caused you any financial hardship. Feel free to flame about my mother to me. Several people have offered to phone her and tell her to get over her BS about the money matter and show up at my graduation (including sympathetic smoking strangers). I almost want to post her phone number so that she can see I am not the only one thinking this is silly shit from her, but then again she probably wouldn't be happy that I am sharing this with you. Oh freaking well. I have decided to go my own for a while. My only worry has been that I am repeating the cycle of disengagment that both of my parents have done with their families but after talking things over with Dan, I realized that I have tried to stick things out, it's HER that's running away (again). Daphne |