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Rant about School and Everything Ugh. I just deleted my entire rant again somehow...grrr. Anyway, I was going on about how my thesis apparently sucks, according to Charlotte, and how I have three weeks to fix the bastard but I don't feel like doing anything. I had a nightmare about my mother disowning me for wasting her time and money. I feel completely burned out on school right now and I just want to get out of here. I have three major projects left, none of which I really fear. I have As in both of my classes, which my last projects should not ruin to less than a B+ and frankly I would like another 4.0 this term but I won't cry if I fuck up again. I have a job lined up so I want to get out of here and DO IT! They still need to send me site access too so I will have to phone them next week and ask them to do it again. I don't want to bug them; I just want to prove myself. And right now I am in the catatonic-wanna-be mode where I just do not want to do jack shit. Jewboy has been inviting me out these past few days but I have refused. Kraut came over last night and painted my nails for me but we did not have enough time together. I told him if he freed up some time today to head over to shave my twat. Hopefully he can. I like him. He's a nice non-sexual dedicated boy and I offered a live-in position to him if things would work out. I doubt they will, but it's a nice idea. And I cannot wait to get a car and a house! I ended up watching the house preview channel (I am so jewboy) last night for half an hour and it looks like cheap houses might be out in ypsi. I don't know how bad the drive would be but I am going to hit the website after this and check things out. I still need to call my dad about housing the car until I can use it during the day but that should only be for a month or so. I can hardly wait for the real world. But *ugh* the projects. Part of me just does not care about the thesis anymore. I found out that I will be the only one with her thesis completed by graduation so don't they have to give me honors even if it stinks? one of the other girls dropped out and the black girl will not finish hers until the summer. I know, I should polish it though with Charlotte so it makes sense and so I might be able to get an article out of it for publication. At least she understands that goal. I also need people to stop asking me about grad school. Next person who does that gets it in the face. Seriously. Just because I am smart and dedicated does not mean I am going to grad school. I am nigh onto throwing that into my powerpoint presentation about my thesis to dissuade people from asking me that at the reception. It's almost as bad as asking me if I have kids. DO I LOOK OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE KIDS? *fuckers* And my last bit of the rant today...I also have to give up smoking weed after this weekend. I so do not want to do this but I know that I might need a clean drug test. So I will probably have to stay off of the stuff for a few months to make sure that my employer never tests. this super sucks for me because I love weed and I love being relaxed and happy and fun. It's like prozac for me. I know I cannot make Dan quit with me but I hope he won't smoke too much around me because I am rather weak willed. Codi shared some of her clove ciggarettes with me yesterday so I might supplant the weed addiction with that for awhile. After smoking a few cloves, I liked the nicotine buzz but I also like the fact that they didn't stink like normal smokes do and they tasted good! Finally smokes I can get hooked on! No, I do not want a smoking addiction but I have found that even with heavy smoking I just do not fall into the hold of cigarettes. It's weird. Cloves are probably more expensive than normal smokes too but if I could get Dan to switch the smell of cigarettes might be less of an issues for me. Aight. Sorry for the long rant. It feel better at least and my painted nails look happy! they match my bed and my shirt! yay! Perhaps I can play some Zuma and then edit the thesis. Will work hard today. Daphne |