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Defend Violent Pornography! Ok, I am in less of a funk. the house still needs to be vacuumed and I still need to do my homework for tomorrow but it will all work out. It always does. Thank you cacophic for the incredibly stupid jokes in your note, glad someone reads this and is trying to cheer me up. Ugh. I got to go to work today which is good because I will make money but it is bad because I don't want to leave the house. It's warm in here, and I am sure it is probably still hot at work, and I just hate leaving in the mornings, especially those days that I don't have to go to school. Today I am very glad that I don't have school though because I got in another catfight last night with my anorexia class about how violent porn has to be read in context. I will admit, some of it is too violent for me but I don't want porn banned. I got heated again and wrote out my feelings in my journal for the class but tried to bite my tongue during the discussion. I also wrote a nasty review for my prof in there, who I am glad I don't have for the full semester. She drives me insane with her mainstream feminism. She is always contradicting reason and she is a good example of why I don't like feminists from time to time. Her focus is media and body image, which makes sense, but she goes off the deep end on topics and isn't good at listening to other viewpoints. Either you believe the media is horrid towards women, or you don't. Personally, I believe that if women are stupid enough to follow the media than maybe natural selection yields their deaths in the end. Truthfully, we need to learn to separate fantasy and reality a bit better, not blame everything on the media. I can see taking action against certain depictions and certain ads, but overall we need to keep things the way they are and, if nothing else, make them more sexually open. Enough of that rant. I might have a porn job up soon but I am not counting on it. The guy wants to shoot solo or girl girl videos and I can't quote a rate worth shit anymore. He also wants clean test results, which means i get to go back through Towner again. Yeehaw! I hate that place. He wanted to see my other stuff and it's really old but I gave him the option. It sucks that I haven't been doing XXX stuff for so long because I feel like a newbie again. I told him to give me an offer on rate and if it sucks I will haggle. If it's okay then I will accept. I understand this might lead to him screwing me over, but I hate doing my own bidding because I always feel like I am bidding either too low for the business or I get rejected for bidding too high. Somehow, I feel that I should get at least as much making porn as I do escorting and that never seems to translate into the local manufacturers. Whatever. It might work out, it might not. I am getting pessimistic about the whole thing so I don't care, either way. I think my funk rests on the week before my BDay because I am getting the usual Februarism. Every year I have been stressed out around my BDay with several projects going at once and then I lose it. Go crazy and do nothing or do very stupid things. The intensity varies from year to year but I can feel the stress. Let's hope today is a better day, eh? Daphne |