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Carol Leigh Meeting After my phone being the impeccable cunt it can be and my losing all my faith in seeing Carol before she left Ann Arbor, I was able to meet up with her at Espresso Royale. I thought this was a bit funny as that is where I do my first meetings and she was even sitting in my favorite spot! I told her so, and we had a good laugh. The discussion went well but she encouraged me more to be an activist than to be a feminist company owner, which I think I would rather be. I do want to do the activism but i worry horribly about being poor. Meeting with her and her crew gave me a reality check about my future career, I am destined to be poor if I don't find a way to combine the two interests. So I am now leaning more towards doing a business and working as an activist than trying to keep escorting and promote the cause. She was a bit shocked at my reaction to potentially being arrested, I never want that to happen, because for many it isn't the end of the world. I am a little scared about never being able to go back but I want to be a happy deviant. I have been sewing and pondering where this fate is taking me though and I am unsure how far I want to follow. I hate to say that I believe in God, but mine isn't completely Christian as others understand it. Mine wants me to do my best in my field and this past year I have been waiting for the subtle pushes towards what I should do. Luckily, this guidance has been forthcoming. i am starting to meet the influential and necessary people, mostly by accident, to get me excited about where I am going. where exactly needs to be determined. I asked Carol a few of the harder personal questions that have been bothering me and she asked me about my theory. apparently my ideas don't mesh completely with the reality she has experienced, but she likes that I am moving away from the binary. the theory does not need to be perfect though, it just needs to be a change. for help with my worker identity and a start to activism she suggessted that I attend this trafficking conference in Hong Kong, which I could do because it would be after school lets out. I am a little concerned about finances, but she assured me that it would probably be moderately priced because most sex workers aren't rich. I am a little scared to go so far away, i have only been to canda a few times and never outside of the US otherwise, and I would probably be going on my own. I want Dan to come, but I know how hard it is for him to get vacations so I will have to screw up my balls and be a big girl about things. I think that I should go though, I always wanted to go to Hong Kong/Singapore, because it will allow me to meet other people in the activist community. I shouldn't be scared of the money either, I can afford to go so I should. At the very least, I will learn something. Last night was nice though. I had my meeting and then bought some groceries and Dan came over and cooked with me. I had one cuff of my fluffy pants hemmed but I stopped to cook with him. I keep debated about posting the recipies on here...but we had scallopps in white wine with butter, garlic, and brazil nuts plus various seasonings. we also had squash with butter, garlic, and seasonings for a second course. It was damn good and i am glad that I am learning how to cook. I canceled my bday event because it is on a monday. I did get a few cool responses though, which I have kept for future use. Maybe something will work out. right now I am too periody to worry about it. Idiot-milk's last entry describes it best, that feeling of uberhorniess plus disgust whenever someone approaches...it's weird but it's there. Daphne |