� Some Sites I like � I'm reading |
sometimes I'm shy... The irony that some other site is currently linking here because of my story about D and I is quite the morning surprise, seeing as D came over last night. The strange thing is that there is something wrong with me right now. We smoked and she aired all of her problems, which she hasn't had the freedom to do. I was quiet and shy so I listened to her and tried to reassure her, but I suck at that. She made out with me a bit and it was all right but strange. I felt sexual thinking about her visit and getting the house ready with candles and such. I dreamed of making her cum in my arms and then...I guess I lost it. She came over and I rolled into my shell. I don't know why. Part of me felt like sex with her would be denying Dan something, even though I phoned him to ask if it was all right, because we haven't had sex in a while either due to illnesses on my part. Another part of me was just enjoying my buzz and wanted to lie back and listen and think. I enjoyed that very much but lately my urge to screw has abated a little and I am left wondering when the sexuality will come back. And it's there. I know it is because it's in my fantasies. I did phone the artist yesterday and he is into BD phonesex with him as a little boy. At the time I wasn't interested but after D left I thought about it. I usually hate phonesex but I was stoned and curious again. I didn't do anything because I felt shitty about D, why oh why can't I be an aggressive butch when she so sorely deserves one?, but it stands out in my mind as a contradiction. so, something's wrong at the moment. I am drying out and things seem to be all right with my pussy. I was worried last night about making a mess too, why must I be a neatnick?, and I guess I am spoiled. It's a lot of factors actually but I want sex. I just don't know what went wrong. she's a gal that lives "in the moment" though so she said she had a nice time with me and my swinger documentary. I enjoyed being near her but something was missing or perhaps overpresent. Now, that I think about it, I have the right answer. Whichever the case, I failed to be the bulldyke stud I usually am and I am sorry D. If it makes you feel better I woke up puking twice last night. It seems French red wine and mexican food do not mix. Daphne |