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scary ex boyfriend dream I didn't do much of note yesterday either. Part of me thinks I should start reprinting some old essays I wrote just to keep you awake but I won't. There will be enough of that for the school year. I have a crazy dream though later in the entry you might want to read. I watched War of the Roses at work and I liked it. A few people wandered in during the showing and one was really incredulous that both Troma and I liked the movie, me especially because it was the first time I had seen it. It was good though, bitter couple physcially fights for a house and possessions during a divorce, lovely throwing scenes and lots of anger, very fun. as for homelife, I slept for 12 hours yesterday. I watched some TV but when I tried to read at seven I conked right out. A few phone calls from spk woke me up again but mostly I just slept. I decided that if my body wanted to sleep that badly there must be something wrong and with the dream I had I am sure there was. This dream occured between the first call from spk and the call I made when I woke up, or 9:30pm to 11pm. Early dreaming for me. spk and I were walking on the sidewalk about a block away from the university and my ex Justin was on the side of the street. he was holding a portable jello cup that was about half full. suddenly he threw the jello right at me and it twisted up under my glasses and a ton of jello went right in my eye! I pulled off my glasses and he jumped on me, Justin that is, and started to thrash me. Spk tried to pull him off but Justin started to choke me and I tried to choke him back with no success. Justin backed up for a second though and I started kicking him in the balls, in my defense he WAS trying to kill me, but it took at least four or five kicks to actually hit him hard enough for him to stop choking me because he was a fast darter. He fell down to the ground and I ran back to the brownstone where spk and I lived. I got inside the house all right and this is around the point where Justin turned into an older ex, Mohammed, who I told you about writing love letters to when I was 15-17, from Egypt, Arabic boy...yeah. well I darted behind the large TV that was in the front room and down this set of stairs clogged with junk and sat down where they couldn't see me. Spk was still outside and I could hear Mohammed and his friend taunting me. After I calmed down a bit, I was terrified in the choking scene, spk reappeared with some letters that Mohammed had given him. I opened them and one of them said that his real name was U-something U-something (can't reconstruct that now) and they contained older pictures of me that I took in the bathtub when I was fatter, spk grimaced at my stomach, and some miniDV tapes that I was scared about playing. I was touched though that he remembered to send back those old photos, several of which I had sent him in my childhood it looked like, so I decided to go out and talk to him. As I was getting ready to head out the door, I saw him and his friends taking pictures of his back and his crotch for evidence against me. I grabbed a mirror and tried to see bruises on my neck but there weren't any. They finished with the pictures and I headed out. I approached Mohammed and told him that it was nice of him to send back the old pictures and that I was sorry that I had hurt him. He nodded but said that I had hurt him pretty badly even though he was just playing with me and I could have escaped any time I wanted. I told them that it wasn't the case, it felt like he had been killing me. He took my hand and told me to resist and I broke free and he laughed saying it was as easy as that. I told him that it wasn't and made him use some force on me. He pushed me back against spk's car and pinned me down and I tried to fight back but couldn't. I could tell this aroused him though but he let me go after a few seconds of holding me there. I was very perplexed by the whole thing because neither him nor Justin was very kinky like that. He wandered off though towards the white building in the distance and spk and I got in the car. Soon we had caught up with them in front of the white building and spk was IMing someone or emailing someone from a laptop in the car. I got worried though because it felt like we were in front of a police station. I took the computer and typed a warning to spk that we should go because I didn't want the cops to find us. Then the cops starting heading out of the building. spk tried to delete the line but the first one snatched the laptop up and hit Edit>undo while five more surrounded the car and one started to tell us that I was going to be hauled in for kidnapping and they would have to check under my nails for blood, etc. I was about to confess that I had assaulted someone but never kidnapped anyone and the attack was merely self defense but I woke up. I woke up in sheer terror and seeing that it was only 11pm I decided to call spk. I rattled a shorter version of this off on his voicemail and he called me back ten minutes later. I told him the rest and it helped a bit but he was still in the depths of the MKT arguement that has been going on for a few days now. At the time he was chatting with the founder about how poorly the group was going. I felt a little slighted but he couldn't wrap his arms around me either way from where he was so I couldn't do much about it. Luckily, I slept the rest of the 12 hours just fine. And no, I am not sure what this dream means. Something about exes, fear of death, cops, fear of retribution for attacks? I don't know. If anyone has an idea let me know. I will also probably be online most of these few workdays. I have moved the laptop to the back of the room and already I have talked to a few possible clients. I am thinking of sticking around during the weekdays to work if anything becomes tangible. spk was talking about going to chicago for a few days next week and I want to do that too, but at first I thought that he was just lying to his boss. If it would work out, I will enjoy it, but business is nice too. I am not expecting anything in terms of my vacation. I will just take it as it comes. Daphne |