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morbid fascinations morning all again. the big boss is out for the day at meetings so I have to stay here and work on whatever. mostly data entry but I am not rushing to do any of it. the little boss was late coming in and I almost thought that he was gone too so I was going to have a little party but he happened in claiming a late start. that's okay though...yesterday went along all right most of the day. I got a lot done. I finished the citations for Sex Work and sent off the review to my two suppossed advisors now. I also went through the Lambadae Collection at the Grad and learned exactly how much Jacobsen saved about her exhibit. I tried to pull out some good press clippings but mostly the coverage centers around whether the closing was a form of censorship or protection. She saved EVERYTHING though and I was only able to leaf through a bit of it. The coverage got repetitive though so I didn't mind. I requested copies of six articles from the photodup services and I should have them by the end of the week to review. I also considered watching copies of the TV coverage but I decided that it will probably be more of the same, simple coverage of the events, balenced discussion from both sides, and the same arguements from both sides. I did especially enjoy finding an offical document from Bollinger at the time that was basically defending the law student's rights to pull the exhibit and lied about the entire thing...very funny. I also tried to take in the reading of Stiff yesterday but I ended up messing up the time and being an hour late. I did chat a bit with the author though and she doesn't seem as into the work as I though she would be. I wanted to buy a copy, I read a decent amount in Borders, but thirty bucks for a book right now is too much. Spk was thrown for a loop about the whole thing and I don't know if he felt violated or what but he was a little miffed that I had never come out about my morbid fascination with the after death processes. I kind of had to break it to him that it isn't the sort of thing that comes up in casual early relationship sort of chats. like "Hi, yeah, you know one thing I have always wanted to do was learn to emblam people...wouldn't that be cool?" kind of leaves the rest of the world doing that head nod for Please Don't Hurt Me. So it is kind of hard to tell people that and, hate to say it, but I haven't thought about it in a while. I kind of still want to go to Mortuary school and stuff, it's a lucrative industry that will always need workers because everyone dies sometime, but it hasn't been the driving force in my education for awhile. If I need to go back for something I might do it when I am older but right now I like the path that I am on with sex work and worker's rights and all. I do want to work in that industry before I die, more to overcome my fear of death, and I am sure that I will but not right now. anyway, that was part of our one hour conversation last night...personally I think that he would be glad to know me for two years and learn something new about me, besides I don't want him to think that he has me all figured out already :P but he finds it morbid as all heck. I don't blame him for that. It's an odd interest. (my co-worker Barney Ruble just ran in and learned about it and ran out...hehehe) So, it's not like I mind him not getting into it...very few people do, but I still think that he should appreciate that I have some mystery about me left :) I think most of the disturbance had to do with timing again though. He has been having a rough time with life and people being inconsiderate to him. I get it myself but yeah, he's up to his neck in it. He brought up the couple that we didn't meet last weekend and how they never try talking to him, how he wished he didn't get his hopes up when they blatently state that they don't like older people, how they kind of ruined our feelings and don't seem to care a whit about it, and how they are unsure about being swingers but kind of got us interested and left us unfilfilled. I will admit that he is right on most of those counts and that we should find some people that are commited to the lifestyle to play with but I had to counter with the fact that two years ago he found me and I wasn't completely sure about swinging either. -I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt at least a few times in these situations- But he is right, I at least talked through the problems with him and didn't just run off. I think that is the biggest thing that is bugging him right now, people not communicating or sticking to their word. He keeps having business contacts say they will deliver and bug out on him without a word to let him know and that gets annoying. He starts conversations with couples and introduces them to me and then never hears from them again. He's getting blown off a lot and I really wish that I could do something about it. I tried to listen and I hope that helped and I advised to hang out online and find us some nice people to play with, he has more time than I do, but he's getting discouraged and I understand. Swinging is hard because so many people are inconsiderate and fake and all that and it does tend to get on your nerves but right now I am dying to do something sexual with him or with other people so I am hoping that his mood gets better. He is right about a few things though, mostly D I think. She has been failing to return my calls, even when I reach her personally, and I am starting to feel like a stop-gap solution. When she wants to get high or blow off her partner Paul she calls me. When everything is going right in their world I don't hear from her. I am not looking for much, just a return of phone calls and emails but i am not getting that so I am going to stop trying. I am feeling a bit used, she wanted a girl to screw her so I did, she needed to feel beautiful and needed so I did, and now she's gone. -shurg- nothing I can do about it though. If she wants me she'll call, if not then I am not going to keep pursuing her. there are plenty of other girls around and I don't need to waste my time chasing her if she doesn't want me. speaking of wanting, I did watch the finale of Top Model and i was soo peeved that they cut Elyse for being too smart. She basically kept her opinion that all models still really need are good looks and then began to explain to the judges how hormones create those looks. They kind of all stared at her and, well I thought she was being a bit informative and fun, called her a know-it-all. So she got booted. She claims that she won't be back into the world of modeling, she will stick with medicine, but I hope she won't. Out of all the girls she was the most talented and the one who learned everything they taught her but they killed her because she was smart...damn fashion industry wanting dumb leaders. at least adrienne won. I thought lil miss California babe would win but luckily she didn't. Adrienne came a long way from a tomboy to be a model and I think she also deserved it. She wasn't as smart as Elyse but she was cute and sexy and funny in a butch way. She was always picking up the other girls and carrying them around, especially Elyse, and pretending to be their romantic boyfriend and such (I was so hoping for something more than the tantalizing topless bed scene and the lingerie jumping scene from the two of them mmmm) so I was really glad that she won but I still think Elyse shouldn't have been punished for her brains. as for the new layout. thank carli for sending me an awesome series of templates. supposedly it is Chirstina pulling down her undies but i am not sure. It fits though so I like it. Anyway, hump day is going slow and I can hardly wait to see spk. I really need some sexual love right now. I know he is having a rough time and I am trying to help the best way I know how. If some of you readers out there could send him a little love I think that might do the trick. personally, I am just going to do whatever is needed and I am sorry the world sucks hun. |