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jacobsen is awesome later morning again all...I am stuck in the office today because my big boss has tons of appointments and he wants at least two people hanging around in case something goes wrong. I also have to update the spreadsheets, again, so it seems that I will be here most of the day. not a big deal, my only other plans were to work on my reading but I am still giving myself high kudos for getting through a lot of it. I am at page 190 now so that means I only have about sixty pages to go, a lot of which it seems like I will have to cut because they don't make any interesting new arguments, merely restate the prior beliefs of the pros and cons of sex work. It isn't a bad read, some are rather interesting like the butch escort for women, but a lot of it doesn't have good quotes or new thoughts so I don't have to take notes on it. and speaking of my work, my meeting with Jacobsen was awesome! I learned a lot and I love her totally. She agreed to become another informal advisor in addition to Gayle Rubin in the fall. And generally she is just an awesome person. She is mostly an artist but she did some films of sex workers and some installations, lol,the best one of which I heard about was at the law school until Mackinnon wanted to close it down and called her a pimp. I find that hilarious, and if you know a little about feminist theory I am sure you will get it too...I mean how many people know someone Mackinnon openly deems a pimp? too funny. we talked about her work and a lot of other stuff too. she opened early by telling me about her illegal abortion, I think the context was about shame and how we women keep silent which we shouldn't, and it kept moving on and I got all emotional talking about sex work and stuff and well...I came out to her. Some intrinsic part of me trusts her and I told her that I have done and still do sex work and the problems I find telling people that in the academic world. She advised me that maybe I could come out to everyone when I have enough standing to feel safe which would be later in my career. I understand that and that is what my plan has been but I am VERY glad that there is an academic that I could tell this to because I feel guilty for not being able to tell people that. I can talk about my assualt, my family, my sexuality (kind of, that's hard too out here), and the general feminist issues but I can't ever talk about sex work or, well, my sex life in general. and that's wrong. It's not that I feel ashamed of what I have done but I worry that other people will judge me differently if I start coming out about being a swinger or a slut or a sex worker...it's like confessing that I don't have a mind I guess. Or maybe it's like religion and I hate defending myself. I really do hate defending myself. Don't worry, all my friends know about my life and when I make new friends I do come out about most of my work because I decided that real friends should be able to stand knowing all of me, whether or not they want to accept or interact with all of it. Family though...I called my dad after telling spk about the meeting and I was half tempted to come out to him about it but I couldn't. I still worry that he will judge me poorly. I told him about Jacobsen and her connections and how I think that she will be a real help in getting me work at COYOTE or whereever, she knows Pricilla Alexander, and my goal to work to end oppression for sex workers and hopefully get them unionized. He wasn't too thrilled about that as a life goal so I didn't expand but anyway, coming out somewhere where I thought that I couldn't really helped me. I am also glad I found her because of her connections. She knows most of the movers and shakers in the sex work feminist movement such as Annie Sprinkle, Carol Leigh, Veronica Vera, the three of which she is making a film with right now, and Pricilla Alexander. So, I am still plotzing over that...I would so totally kill to meet Annie...she's awesome! anyway, yesterday was a good day for me. right now I am debating about whether or not I should work through august if I have the opportunity to keep this job through then. Part of me wants to take it off and live off of escort work and odd jobs so that I can have some time to work on my thesis and august would be good because that is the month before school starts and my advisor will be here and more availible, as would I for reading. but then again, I needs money and I have no idea how the power structure will shake down if I am not around. I kind of like working here but I am also getting kind of sick of it too so I am mostly leaning towards taking the month off right now. My dad won't be happy but I am making a lot of decisions right now that are getting his goat, mostly money ones too, so this would be just one more on the pile. we'll see where my insanity levels are at in july, how about that? anyway, at work and need to do work... :) drop me a line. will be heading to the poly dinner on fri night, which will be a good non sexual event for me -darn period-. hopefully I can see D and it won't be too awkward. Daphne
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