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french rape dream hey all, I had a hell of a scare last night over spk. the man phoned me saying that he would just wash up and be right over, this was around 7:30, and then I never heard from him again. I started phoning around nine-ish because I felt bad about being lost in the Matrix all stoned and waiting so I called and got no answer. Well I kept calling about every half hour until about ten thirty when I started freaking out. By the way, I have some sudden abandonment issues due to my mother telling me one morning that she was going to Novi to buy me clothes and then leaving the car with a note attached to the windshield up at the busstop the next morning. I still have a relationship with her and all and I understand that might have been the only way for her to escape my father but still, it wasn't the best method cause it leaves me freaked out whenever anyone makes a sudden disappearance. So I kept calling, went online and left tons of messages merely stating that I didn't care if he was mad at me or wanted to see someone else that evening but if he could call me and at least tell me that he was physically all right it would kill my worries. Well, he did call me around three thiry in the morning telling me that he fell asleep in on the bed all stoned when he attempted to make it to the shower. So, he's safe, I am out some weed that I smoked too ahead of schedule, and now I have cramps...I did some housework but what I really wanted to share with y'all today is the main nightmare I had last night. I had two big scary dreams, the first one of which ended when spk phoned, and I cannot remember, but the other one I had to wake myself from this morning around seven. I tried to sleep in until nine in order to fix that dream but I didn't get anything better. so I ask you to bear with me. If this account makes no sense, it's ok because it is a dream and it isn't supposed to. I am copying it out of my paper journal, which I hope can get published some day cause they are VERY cool, so this is as accurate as it gets. my mind blanks at points but try to string it together. Spk and I were somehow together but I was cheating on him for some reason, fun I think, with one of the guys from that 70s show -not Fez-, I can't remember which one right now and although I know that I have a Hyde obsession some part of me wants to say that it is Kelso. Well, there was a hot scene of me and whichever guy it was and then I was joking around with the gang of that show about it and Fez took an interest in me. The scene shifted and we were outdoors in a city park talking about things and he kept groping me. I decided that I wasn't interested but he held me down and began to press his cock against me. I wanted him to back off but he pulled his pants down and asked me to suck it, his dick looked about medium at this point. I bent to do so hoping that this would just be it because he was arguing that I had done something similar with Hyde when I noticed that his dick was fake. It was wrapped with a three inch extension piece. I tried to get it down my throat but his cock tasted super nasty so I kept gagging on it. Finally, his extension fell off and I was able to see how tiny his dick really was. Embarrassed and angry he rolled me over into a doggie style position and began to insult me while pulling off my clothes. a crowd gathers and he clutches my head and forces me to inhale a mix of poppers and weed. No, I don't know how that worked. Well, I got horny and he forced his cock into me while a large crowd watched. While I enjoyed exhibiting, the cops saw us and left us some notes saying that we had committed a criminal act and we either had to pay a fine or go to prison. Fez pulled out of me after cumming and calling me a whore so I was left sobbing with these papers. I began to run because I couldn't pay the fines. I ran everywhere, past tons of houses, got some clothes, ate, but mostly kept running. At one point, I remember entering a huge semi-abandoned building with the police after me and I worked hard to lose them. I saw them around the corner so I slunk down into a locker while they passed me by. Once they left, I headed down the hall and turned left into a grate before a large whirring monster and a dead end. The man I passed just before the entrance, a redheaded designer, screamed for me to stop. I knew that I was caught and that he would be put in the paper with his great piece of living artwork as a hero. The police slapped some handcuffs on me and I began to protest, at this point all language is in my stilted persent conjugated French for no apparent reason. I remember screaming over and over that Fez had raped me. I did not want a public sex encounter, I didn't even want him but he had taken advantage of me. I felt guilty though because I knew that I had enjoyed it and I was unsure whether that was merely because of the drugs. The cops hauled me down the hall screaming and one remarked that he would show me off to his class as an immoral specimen but I refused to follow him into the room. The other, I could tell, wanted to hurt me but at this point I forced myself to wake up. now for analysis, I learned don't cheat. I still dislike foreigners...and that saddens me because I am becoming more prejudiced as I grow older. I know stereotypes are nothing to base reality but I keep finding people that support them so it is getting harder for me to reject them entirely, especially about East Indian men. I think part of it has to do with the Detroit episode...which sucks, but I can't really ever trust them. I also still can speak French when I want to and I am afraid of cops...as per usual. On the good side, I found the best gift for Spk's mom for tomorrow. I bought her a tiger lily plant with two lovely pink blooms at the Farmer's Market today. So that cheers me up, I just wish I could have a good smoke, these cramps are really getting to me. wish me luck for the euchre party tonight! daphne |