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Sexual Swinging Self Analysis The week went all right. I'm on the cusp of selling some larger contracts, so that's always good. My meeting with the school district went rather well, so I'm feeling pretty secure about that. As soon as Dan does the brakes on my car, we'll be back in business. I couldn't work much the latter half of the week because I had to drive the Jag, which now has an overheating problem. Yeah. A good game of Russian Roulette if I ever have to go anywhere. I still to write that Declaration of the Body today. I also need to take Willow to the park. I feel bad for her because she's limping right now. I don't know if tossing her off the bed last night affected her old injury from the doorjamb or not, but she's favoring one front leg. I hope its just stiff. Right now, we're going to let her have the weekend to heal before determining if she needs to see the vet. I'm really hoping its something minor. Of course, its the day I want to take her out that it happens, but that's always the case. Dan and I had a nice adventure in the pouring rain Thursday night. We were in Detroit and had a minor fender bender. Fortunately, the lady was really cool and let us off. Dan bursted out of the car immediately while I was being paranoid and scrambling for the insurance. It was pouring buckets and I ran through foot deep water around the car. There was nowhere good to pull off, it was an entrance ramp, so we're standing there in the pouring rain asking her if she's okay and if anyone wants to call the cops. Amazingly, for the speed of the collision, there wasn't even a minor dent in the car. The Jag was, as usual, fine when we got home, though we had to race out of there so it wouldn't overheat. We did pull over at Roberto's, which was a great place to eat in a downpour. We were the only people there, so we had everything to ourselves. He fed us well, waited on us, and ignored us while all watched the tiny set playing Home Improvement over dinner. I examined every cheesy decoration in there, mostly signed photos, and reveled in being a thoroughly wet woman nearly alone in a diner. Last night was pretty good too. I still feel a little bad for ending everything, but shit happens. Strangely, I was enjoying playing cards and relaxing more than the sex, but who can blame me? Dan probably spoiled me for any other contender these days. Anyway, we played cards, got down with the dirty dice, and had some fun. Dan stayed focused on the other woman, and I had to admit I got a little envious. Neither of us has been making any moves lately, and I'm lost as to how to heighten our sex lives. Yeah, we're swingers, but I'm nostalgic for the high intensity of the early days when we would fuck for hours just on our own. We'd pull of somewhere, anywhere, and do horrible indecent acts to each other. We'd be all over each other, for no reason, and I miss that. I know every relationship cools off sometime, but that doesn't make it any easier. I also know part of it is my fault for not leaping on his bones whenever he's at home and conscious. Lately though, I guess I've been getting frigid. Sex is getting somewhat blase as a topic or an action. I'm not even taking the time to masturbate these days. I'm just not seeing the point. Yes, sex is pleasurable, but I think I've reached my performance peak, so wouldn't it be better to spend time learning some other skill? The physical sensation of so many orgasms is great, but for me its never been something to live for. Of course, if I don't pursue more sex we won't be having better sex and I'll get more envious when he gives better performaces to new women. I know men will always be more motivated to give the best performance to the newest, prettiest, most desirable girl because that's the one he has to impress. But, sometimes, I'd like to see the same calibre at home too. I know he can't do it without my enthusiastic agreement so, I guess, I've got to find ways to get myself more into sex. I never thought I'd ever have to say that about myself, but lately my interest has waned. I'm more interested in using swinging as a tool to meet open minded/fun people than actually doing the swinging. (I think that means I need some normal friends one of these days.) As bad as this may sound, sometimes I see the sex as the more pendantic part of the evening. Paying my way for social interaction you could say. *ugh* I know it sounds horrible. I'm just leaving it in because I'm exploring this thought. Kind of funny though, like the theory of swinging in reverse where the social interaction is how you have to pave the way for sex. I've always been backwards like that. Another beef, which I won't explore in detail, is also my boredom with sex patterns. Swinging generally follows the same basic pattern with two couples, and it gets dull really easily. I'd like to change it, switch it up sometimes, but there's only so many variations. I hate to betray sex like that, but its true! I also know the social reasons behind the two swinging patterns, and they make sense, but knowing exactly how each couple will split off bores me too. I know that will be impossible to shake up, but its starting to gall me. Heterosexual sex patterns are also just dull in general these days, even when they have reasons behind them, so I guess I just want to register a general gripe against predictability. I want action! New Stuff! Or new variations on old stuff! Terribly sorry about this rant. Been meaning to think it through. Back to the sexing(ish). Anyway, they came over, we all fucked, and I screwed up the night. She was super awesome, and he was all right. Too drunk though, and that's starting to bother me. I don't mind partiers, but he seems like he always has to drink to do something. Anyway, the drinking didn't help. Dan and her appeared to be having a lovely time as he and I started trying to screw. He was really good with his hands earlier, jacking me off to a couple of good ones, so I was half hoping that he could keep up with the fuck. We started going, and I watched her lead Dan back off to the bedroom. I was a little perturbed about this, already a bit envious because he was riding her hard and came, leaving me alone to work my horniness out myself, but I decided to ignore it. I didn't think he was dangerous or anything, so I tried positioning myself so he could hit my G-Spot. He was doing an okay job with it, I needed it a little deeper but I knew the liqour was probably keeping him soft, but after some grunting he started going down. I asked him if he came or if the condom was bothering him, and he said he came. Well, guess what? He never told me this was his first time using a condom. He quickly pulled out after I asked, not holding the condom to the base of his cock, and let his load spill out all over me. I caught the condom when I realized he wasn't pulling it out with him, preventing about half of the damage, but it still killed the night. I flipped out, even though I knew it probably wasn't done on purpose, and started screaming for Dan. I really didn't want to find him in the middle of riding her again because I'd probably be really pissed if he told to me to wait on this issue until he was done, so I was relieved when he met me on my way to the back bathroom. I apologized for ruining his night, but I couldn't do anything else, and it was late. Basically, all I could do was rinse down my pussy, flush it really good, tell the other guy to PLEASE tell me whenever we're doing something sexually new so I can brief him on what to do because I don't want to ever face that again. They're not major swingers, small towners with young kids that never get out, but you never know. He was more worried about the state of my birth control, having fathered five kids, and really didn't need another woman demanding child support from him. I nearly laughed. All I'd ask for is the abortion fees. It freaked me out but good, so we had to call it a night. She was quiet as she left, but I hope she's not mad at me. I'm not mad at them at all. I just have to be aware that he's new to freaky stuff, so I have to explain things. I can do that. I'll also watch the condom thing much more closely. Sorry this turned out so long. I wanted to air that idea out, even though it probably contradicts my usual image on this site. I just don't think enough women in the lifestyle TALK to each other about our problems. Everyone seems so much older, wiser, more relaxed. I've also personally been brushed off from asking other women about body issues, envy, and jealousy by trite replies like "well, I've always been a very peaceful, sharing person". This doesn't help me. Swinging isn't easy for everyone, and I think more people need to know and attempt to understand the issues we don't discuss. I know we don't discuss things like envy or decreased sexual appetities at home, because we don't want to admit those issues happen to us. We want everyone to see the upbeat cool giving sharing image of swingers so we'll be found acceptable. Admitting you sometimes have difficulties with things behind closed doors stigmatizes you if you tell other play partners. They start worrying about causing "drama" and no longer want to associate with you because of your ticking timebomb status. This leaves you more isolated, more alone, and more confused about how to help your relationship than ever. We should confront these issues head on in swinging, and find a way to openly discuss them without judging the couples facing them. I know it will probably never happen, but I'd like to lead people out of the dark by admitting that sometimes swinging sucks. Sometimes people are human and have emotions. Swinging itself creates or emphaisizes issues particular to sexuality and social interaction including but not limited to: classism, racism, body image, sexual behaviors versus sexual identity, manners, and ethics. Tackling these issues will be an uphill battle for any researcher or therapist, but the community's unwillingness to admit they exist disgusts me. Thus, I hope with my small voice in cyberspace, to illuminate the corners of a few minds. Hell, even knowing someone else out there faces these problems helps. I know because every so often I get a nice letter from another woman telling me to hang in there; I'm not the only one. The problem is there's not enough of us willing to band together and give some of the challenges of swinging a voice. I'm sure it may deflate the chic bisexual swinging movement that's bulging at the seams right now, but I think swinging could use some criticism. Its never completely perfect. Just my thoughts today. Daphne |