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Review of A Return to Modesty so why is it when I turn my back on the industry, it doesn't turn its back on me? I guess I just need a little faith. My faith is wearing thin these days though, what with the lawsuits and the general assraping. So, I don't think I can be blamed, but I am glad to see something turning around. Of course, that could just be the happy stoner in me talking. Oh, before I do the review, I'd like to ask for potential readers for Snapshots of a Forgotten Childhood. It's about 50 pages, double spaced, most of which is conversations. So, it's not a huge read, but it is substantial. The subject matter is my childhood and my relationship to my parents. Mostly it settles on my mother running away when I was 8, but there are other problems thrown in. I'd like some people to read it thoroughly (will make up a guidelines sheet), but anyone who wants to comment on the writing would be helpful. As this is intensely personal, please treat it like a story and I'll try not to take constructive criticism too hard. I do appreciate those of you who haven't heard these stories before reading this because I really want to test how the flow of the piece works. I also need to know if I'm putting the right amount of infomation/description on the page to convey what I want without overdoing it. Anyway, if you want to help me out and read a interesting bit of something please email me [email protected] or hit the email link to the right. Now for the actual review... A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Wendy Shalit Although this is a highly conservative book with a conservative argument, Wendy Shalit does make some points worth considering, even when you want an open sexual society. 1) Are we teaching sex ed too young? Wendy cites places that start sex ed at Kindergarten. This has not been my experience, but we had menstrual class once when I was 10, formal sex ed at 14, and then health class again at 16. Now, where I grew up it was pretty conservative but sex ed covered condoms/diaphrams and in health class we even got to see the nasty pictures of STDs. I don't remember these classes fondly either, so I can believe her stories of kids being tormented afterwards and if we're giving these classes at younger ages, of course we encouraging sex! We're trying to say it's normal, and with these devices even YOU can do it! and of course you want to, because that makes you older, more mature, and trust me all teenagers want to be adults. I'm not that far removed. So maybe her argument that we need to be more modest and wait until kids are (I'd say) 15 or older before foisting condoms on them. Before then, attack each situation as it's needed. Don't indoctrinate another generation of pregnant 12 year olds. 2) Does modesty help you enjoy sex more? I can almost buy this. Things were much more exciting when I first lost my virginity. Now, it does take more to get me excited, and yeah, things like incest are becoming less shocking. Perhaps taking a week off from sex, waiting a little longer to have it in the first place, or following a code of repressed dress can you help you personally deal with things in a better way. It was my choice until I was almost 19, so I can sympathesize with modesty and waiting as a personal choice, though I will concur that you get some flak for this decision. 3) Would a culture of modesty reinforce male manners/good behavoir? She gives an argument that rape, incest, abuse, fear of walking the streets increased due to the lack of modesty in our culture. When modesty was a virtue, men had to be polite, nice to women, civilized, and honorable because otherwise they wouldn't get any women. (sort of a mutual pact between all women) Once we had the 60s and decided that polite actions like holding doors open were oppressive, we renounced a lot of other rules like don't rape me, don't yell nasty things at me, don't beat the shit out of me. So, if we brought back a little more modest behavoir and demanded more out of our men, maybe they would have to rise to the challenge. I think this might work if it occured as a cultural backslide, but I wouldn't want to risk women's gains for this. She claims we won't be risking anything, we can still hold down male jobs but men would just be nice to us at work, but I think we would. So part of this argument is good, if you hold out you will attract a better quality of guy (assuming he's not cheating on you), but I don't think it will work in reality except on a case by case basis. Some bad points... 1) Are co-ed dorms, bathrooms, and teams teaching college students that all love is sex? Okay, I don't know about the rest of the world, but I can tell you some things about UM. She cites Yale often in her text for these college comparisons, and it seems Yale is the center of all sin. At UM we NEVER had co-ed bathrooms. EVER!!! In fact, some girls in my hall got in a LOT of trouble for even lending their keys to some guy friends of theirs to use the ladies bathroom when the men's was just across a corridor. Yeah. The women's rooms were marked and locked (occasionally a pain in the ass when you didn't have your keys) and the men's were unlocked. We used to joke about gay rapists, but for the most part there weren't any problems, except for the said boys' incident. And even when I was in a co-ed dorm, people there were extremely modest. I got a lovely hate note left on my door for kissing Dan goodnight in my hall while wearing a tee shirt and panties! I was covered more than I would be at the fucking beach and some asshole left a printed note on my door about it! The girls at um were also so modest I got stares for walking from the shower to the towel hooks naked (about a foot) instead of putting my towel over my shower door to dry off and cover myself before exiting the shower! It was crazy! So, trust me, Wendy, people are hella conservative NOW. Oh, and UM does offer girl only dorms if you want them. I doubt too many places are like Yale anymore. 2) College kids can't have relationships, just hookups, and after that they try to remain friends and do check ups. Umm...I don't have much experience with typical college dating, but I've seen a lot of couples around campus that do more than hookup. Of course, there are those guys looking for just sex and I'll admit that when I was trying that I did get emotions for some people, which wasn't part of the deal. I didn't want those emotions either, so I was usually okay with being dumped. Sometimes it bugged me because I'd have a lot of sex and never see anyone again, but now I assume I was probably a lousy fuck or something. One never knows. I do see people on campus dating though and I think she exaggerates this whole hookup and go sort of thing. Of course, that's the dating scene! Wasn't it always? Men always want to just fuck and go their own way. That's how they are! if you want something more, get away from the dating scene, and find someone like yourself. going to bars attracts those who go to bars...think about it. 3) Modesty would protect women's safety. I can somewhat believe this, but I don't want to lose the priviliges for those of us girls who know how to be unsafe. I'll admit when I scream rape I want someone to come looking, but I don't want stupid rules like we can't drive tanks enforced. I'm probably a bad feminist for wanting us to be treated with both respect and dignity, but I tend to think that if you don't want to be assraped by a big black man in prison, you probably shouldn't rape some little white girl. It's morality by common agreement, or for the Christians the Golden Rule. It tends to work pretty well if you think it through. Of course, I do endorse modesty for those that want it, and people should interfere in some situations, but by forcing an entire culture to be modest, you ruin it for those of us who want to be nudists just to enjoy being nude. Bad enough we have the conservatives in office. Anyway, Wendy's an odd almost feminist. I want to go the library and Border's now so I'm shutting up. Please email me for a copy of Snapshots if you want to read it. Daphne |