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My Major Crimes Morning all, If the lawnmower dudes stop making really loud passes by my house, I might be able to concentrate enough to write. Just maybe. I'd like to respond to Dan's critique that I made myself look good yesterday at his expense. Maybe I did. I'm sorry if that was the case. This blog is entirely subjective and I've known that for a long time. I try to show both sides of the story, but sometimes it doesn't come through. I'm not perfect either, and I know that. For instance, OUR sex life went down mostly because of yours truly. I would get upset that he was tired or not interested in me and I would take the lack of sex as a lack of desire. So, to get even, I would prevent us from going swinging and deliberately withdraw from the relationship emotionally. (I think I even tried to mention this yesterday and warn future women NOT to do this, though it is a common female tactic). So, yeah, I fell into that trap of using sex for motivation, which is a bad thing to do. I also deliberately tried to undermine Dan's self-esteem. I WANTED him to leave his current job because I saw that he was in pain and not a success so I leaned on him a lot to quit. He couldn't though, and I never quite understood that. Of course, now that he's put the time in, he's becoming well-known and actually has a shot at his dream. I partly resent that and feel guilty for even trying to get him to leave as he's starting to get excited/happy about his work. Oh...what other major crimes are there? Well, the obvious one, I'm a greedy bitch who always tried to get my way, most of the time it worked. In fact, the whole fight we had was me trying to get my way and have an open relationship. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too, while Dan stood his ground and stopped my rampant greed. Speaking of which, greed also made me highly competitive with him financially to the point where I tried to outrank him in terms of material items. I tried especially hard to prove that I was more successful right out of college than he has been in the past 20 years, a good portion of my self-esteem and self-righteousness rode on this one. So, yeah. I'm NOT perfect! In fact, I'm a pretty awful partner. I know that. I hope this helps clarify things for those of you who think the bad portion of the relationship was all Dan's fault. It wasn't. In fact, Dan did several things most men probably wouldn't do such as letting me work in the sex industry, letting me have a real life, letting me date women, and supporting me in work that wasn't anywhere near his field of interest. So, if any ladies out there want one of the few quality men left out there, feel free to contact Dan. He's not a bad person. If you shoot me an email, I'll set something up. Hell, you'll probably be less of a jerk to him than I've been. Besides, he deserves someone nice. In other news, yesterday wasn't so bad. My shoot with Nate almost got cancelled but he phoned me later in the day that he didn't have to go to Chicago. That was pretty cool. I got dressed in the schoolgirl outfit again and we did a little scene where the creepy friend of the father seduces the young girl while she studies. From what he tells me, his private collector is looking to make a whole little series of these films starring me if the one we shot works out well. I tried my best, and maybe I'll be lucky enough to make some more. After that, I pretty much dragged my ass home and nearly finished my video game. I'm a little lost on what I have to do now that I beat the major enemy, but I'm sure I will figure it out. As for today, I have to go to Planned Parenthood and see the gyno. Should be fun. They do charge out here though, $40-$75 depending on income. Funny thing is, I don't really know my income. If we're going by quarters, it's scarily low. Maybe I should get that real job thing going again...scary. Anyway, I'll explain myself and see what they say. Really though, I just want my pills. Daphne Oh, I forgot my quick plugs. Surburban Highlife is the cable access TV show I'm on and the buy link is in hopes you want/can afford my nice painting. You should also, especially if you are in Ann Arbor, seek out the Ann Arbor Paper because my sex column Sexophile should be appearing in this issue. Yay for projects!! |