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Alive and Thinking Hey folks, yes I am still alive. I did mean to blog over the weekend but we were faced with the fun job of reloading Dan's OS and trying to reformat his hard drive, both of which caused major problems. The OS that came with his machine apparently doesn't match his key code so, after much yelling at various companies, he decided to settle for a bootleg copy to make things work. I also tried to reformat the hard drive, seeing as the problem might be virus based, and the machine just won't let us. It keeps claiming that some program somewhere is using the hard drive and thus it won't reformat. Luckily, the clean install of the OS has fixed some of the problems for now. In other news, my father has not disowned me. This is a good thing. In fact, we're talking with each other pretty well. He's not happy about the news, but he's not trying to change my mind. He understands that I am an adult and this is my decision, but he wishes that he wasn't so "Victorian" about it. I think, with time, he'll adjust to it. This leaves me with what I have been doing most of this weekend and this summer, thinking. I've been debating what route I should really take with my life. Now that my father knows and isn't running away, what can I do with my freedom? Should I go into porn full time until I go to grad school? Should I start using my legal name? Under what circumstances should I use my legal name or my alias? Will the stigma of being a sex worker catch up with me later? Will it matter if I'm getting a sexology degree anyways? I've answered a few of these and determined a few other things about my future plans. I've decided that losing the porno job was a good thing. Life is hard right now and frustrating at times but I have a cushion of savings and some talents that I would rather exploit directly instead of indirectly. I also really enjoy being an abnormal worker. I have never enjoyed having anyone drive my pursuits except me and I learn best on my own. (oh shit it's raining, please let up before I have to drive to a shoot this evening!) I also really enjoy freelance work, even though I know the pains of marketing myself. I have decided to use a combination of my legal name and my alias, leaving Daphne on everything escort/porno related and using my legal name on anything I write, publish or paint. As for porn, I do want a career in it. I enjoy it. It also helps fund the writing and painting without my having to starve. In addition, it generates publicity, much like this blog. If I have to leave the adult film industry to attend grad school, I doubt it will negatively impact my career. Of course, a sexology degree, much like my BA, won't lead directly to a supervised job either, but it will give me more clout in terms of publishable writing, which I could use. So, in short, I think I'm glad that I'm taking the road less travelled. I've always known that I was different and, as the family saying goes, if there's an unthinkable way to accomplish something I'll find it! I know that I might not be as successful as my father wants me to be or in the way he wants me to be, but I've decided that my main goals in life are to make enough money to live off of with some pleasures and to honestly contribute via writing or other means to our society. My main interest is sex and sexology so I want my contribution, my legacy, to reflect a need for loosening the moral/victorian mindset our nation possesses. I think this is a noble pursuit because the mysteries surrounding sex harm many people daily. If sex was better understood both technically and emotionally, I think my generation might learn some important lessons about freedom and happiness, but enough of the soapbox. To shorten the story, I think my non-traditional employment might be what I really need, I've dreamed of being a writer since I could type at 6, because it lets me be the Renaissance woman I really am. I know porn will be the highest paying of all the fields I attempt, and thus my bread and butter, but the porn can fund the other interests, which are more important to me as a person, not that I dislike making porn. Nuff of all that thinking out loud, eh? Of course, once something good happens, something bad has to cancel it out so I'm not going to Missouri. Seems she can't find enough work for me to make the trip worthwhile once I told her no bondage. Oh well. I have found a few good erotica writing sites though and some resources for that. I just got to get off my butt and work on it. Problem is I hate editing fiction. That's the plan today though, heh. Oh, I do have a few bitches too though. Scorps, my escort message board, has thrown me on probation/vacation until Wednesday because I left three schedule posts unlocked. Not too sure why they're so stringent on that matter, OMG you mean someone can like REPLY to my schedule right on there???, but I've decided there's no use arguing with the webmaster about it, that will only get me booted. Sucks though because it cuts into business, but at least I will have a good reminder to lock them after I've posted. and finally, my product endorsement of the week...Earth Shoes. If you ever spot this name brand in a Wal-Mart or whereever, buy them! I have been wearing the same hot glued sandals since high school because I couldn't find another pair nearly as comfortable until yesterday in Wal-mart. I have wide feet but the Earth Shoes sandals, even though they wrap around my toes, are amazingly comfy. Highly recommended. That's it for now. I'm feeling too icky to keep sitting in the closed up office. Must find something to do in the living room. Daphne |