� Some Sites I like � I'm reading |
Industry Worries Weekend morning after another day off... Well, I've been thinking and I wrote a massive thing in my paper journal about problems/issues with the escort/adult industry thing. Seeing as very few people hear my gripes about work or my ponderings about problems, I decided to share a few. I know, I am usually horribly upbeat about my job, but something shit just gets to me. 1) Inconsistancy of income. I hate to say it, but I'm a planner, a major planner. I like to know how much I have coming in per month. I know in any self-run business there is risk but the lack of advance bookings in the industry bothers me. I believe that I can meet my goals next week but with a blank week I honestly don't know. Work always seems to show up, but I fear the uncertainty, which brings me to longer problem 2. 2) Irrevocability. This has bothered me for a long time. I usually avoid thinking about the entire matter and keep praying that I don't draw the wrong client. I hate this idea though. I wish we could live in a society that accepts the fact that some women choose to work in the sex industry. I am fairly lucky in that the amount of direct prejudice I face when I come out is rather small. I base this on surrounding myself with sexual radicals in general (I kinda have to) and such people are more open to accpeting the second part of the equation. So, I kind of sidestep telling normal people who I think it might fuck up, like my father. So I miss that part of whore stigma right now. I fear being busted because I don't ever want to face a potential employer and be discriminated for something stupid. Part of me wonders though IF this is really irrevocable. Yes, it might hinder me from some jobs, but other feminist jobs, sex work jobs, and liberal jobs should be able to overlook it. If they can't, I will still be able to survive doing fast food or shit jobs because some people live that way just fine. This problem also boils down to a lack of commitment in myself to my choice towards the sex industy, which then makes me feel guilty. (I know, weird emotions). I then think about all the women who do get busted but continue to fight for sex worker's rights. They're screwed but they're still fighting for and creating change. Now, why should I be such a pussy about being caught? The only person I have in my life that I really care about NOT knowing is my father because I don't want to shame him. So, I think perhaps I will become more public once he passes, yet I feel something will stop me. Maybe it's common sense to make men jump through my security hoops instead of throwing all caution to the wind to make as much money as humanly possible. Of course, some part of me knows that when it's time it's time so no precautions will really help and the whole guilt cycle begins again. Anyway, I just wanted to share this to demonstrate that I do have some issues with my choices. My life isn't perfect, even though it's pretty decent. Another problem I have been having with the working decision is finding life outside of work dull. I spend a lot of time high, which I know is hiding, but I get the blues when I come down sometimes. I want to do something exiciting, sexy, and raunchy all the time but mostly we end up watching TV or surfing porn. It's an okay life, and I know everyone else works, dies, and is incredibly boring too, but I just don't want okay, I want something extreme. Perhaps that's a cry for attention, but I want to LIVE just in case this is the only shot I get. I was trying to let this go, wasn't I? Deep philisophical shit/worries. On a happier note we're having a couple over in a few hours with a stacked hottie and a guy hung like Dan. Seems to be a good day on that front. I might have more movies to do too and my camera will be here Monday. Can hardly wait to shoot you guys some pics! Daphne |