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Fired but Still Brilliant Okay yesterday and just now=huge ass emotional rollercoaster. I got fired yesterday. Well, I got "let-go" after the trial period. I completely understand why. I fucked up and I felt like asking questions was off-limits, what with the idiot looks I was given when I did. I tried to learn quickly but I couldn't do it quickly enough. I also feel very isolated in that office and I was starting to resent my co-workers. It wasn't the best place for me. I wrote about it in my paper journal before going in to work yesterday so the firing wasn't a big surprise. In fact, I knew it was coming when I made a critical mistake uploading the movie tour. I did not know where to FTP (or how) the short trailers because the last time I did it my coworker did the FTP stuff for me. So when the site went live it was broken for about 15 mins due to my error, costing the company about $300 which is almost what I got paid a week. Yeah. So I understand why they let me go, but I wanted to be a good influence and writer for them so I feel a bit bad. I also feel a bit lost as to what to do next. I was debating about going to grad school after working for a year or two to pay off my undergrad loans. I think I really might stick to that plan. Part of me wants to get a dayjob but another part of me wants to get the Jag running and see if I can make 1000-1500 a month modeling/writing. I think I might give the latter a go for a few weeks. It can't hurt. I know my dad is disappointed in me, I had to tell him yesterday, but I've decided that it's not his life. He also threw away an opportunity to work in his industry because of his handicap, which they knew about when they offered him the job so he doesn't get to talk. Anyway, the one thing that proved I am still brilliant this morning was the news that I won HIGHEST HONORS for my thesis. This is the highest award for a thesis an undergrad can win. For those of you long time readers, you all know that I was hoping the thesis would pass at HONORS level so I could get my degree. This, however, is more than I ever expected. In fact, I am still crying. It also proves to me that i should consider grad school. I am smart enough to work in that environment and I really DO have something to say. Maybe this time off can result in a proposal for that book comparing my medical experimentation experiences to my sex work experiences. I don't know but at least I have some confirmation that possibilities exist. right now, plans are to get STD screens again at Towner and see where the porno world takes me. I am also going to put in apps for dayjobs but I partly want to see if I can live off of freelancing. I really hate working for someone else. I have never gotten along with bosses and I am always a pain in the ass. Perhaps I do need to be my own boss. We'll see. Lol. One good upshot to this firing, as opposed to the few others I have faced, is that this time it had a legit reason that I don't feel ashamed about. Usually I get fired for attitude problems or fighting. This time, it's just plain inability. I tried and I learned a lot and that's what's really most important. Daphne |