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Coming Out in Acadamia Oy I have yet another challenge to face in life and I have no idea why I am taking it so badly. I got my employment report back from my tech writing prof and she liked the intellectual half which talked about a possible future job(s) in my field and such but she hated my introduction, which is the part where we are supposed to describe our career philosophy. She called mine cliche (ouch) and said that I was using feminist rhetoric without proof to support an issue that I need to find a personal connection towards. she wants to know how I got interested in sex work activism and, as she keeps stressing in class, I should write a scene that exemplifies my feelings towards the work and such. Argggh. Well, this sent me on a crying jag for a bit. The cliche part hurt and I am facing the need of having to out myself again. I hate doing it but now that I think about it, I have very little to lose. I am getting closer and closer to having work within the movement and so I should get comfortable with outing myself but I still hate to do it. I have tons of worries that people will no longer take me seriously, especially my mind which I would hate to waste, they won't understand and that I will be persecuted once again. Strangely enough, part of me thinks that I can handle it. I went through primary education with almost an entire school system hating me (this is no exaggeration either) and I survived. I stayed strong. I had my little niches of support and I was able to work my way through and so I should be a strong person in life. Sadly, this is not always the case. Part of me still wants approval. Now I know that I am embarking on a task that rarely gets approval and I need to get used to that but I would hate to be shunned by the academic community. The academic community in particular, more than my parents, has been my home for so long that I fear endangering it. I am out to friends, work collegues, random people through this site, but I have always been reluctant to expose myself to profs. And now I shall. I wrote a bit to my queer prof about the matter because we are studying coming out and I think she will understand, or at least be nice enough to keep her mouth shut, and it gave me space to work things out. Realistically, I have little to fear. I am almost done with school and I need to come out in order to work in my field. I need to start doing it here so that I can get comfortable with the identity, right? So I have decided to do it but to keep the to basics, some stills and few movies. I won't mention the private business of being an escort because I don't want to face legal problems. Only Jacobsen will continue to know that. If I do this slowly I think I might be able to make myself a little stronger. The sad thing is that I really am such a wuss. But the prof is right, my paper was trite and cliche and if I tell the truth it won't be. Plenty of girls sell their bodies to go through college and if I feel that sex workers should be treated equal then I should be willing to undergo a little stigma for the cause. Funny, how I never picture facing too much stigma when I get out of college. I somehow think that I will be living in a more supportive environment...we'll see. Anyway, I have been wrestling with that issue yesterday. The work computer has been hacked and examined so I don't know if it will be back in today...part of me hopes not but I kind of like having projects. All I did yesterday was read. Other than my agnst, not much else going on...just school and shit like that. I will probably go to the Schvitz with Dan Saturday night, in case anyone wants to meet, because he finally got a bonus from his boss...whoo!!! Daphne |