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the Skies fill with Internet Resentment morning again, sobering up in the office. trying to get out of my funks and all that. Had a pretty cool weekend but still feel a bit bad about all of my insanity. It wasn't a good for me in that I could not keep my emotions self-contained. I was happy and frustrated and lost to Spk in my world of the video game. (I finally bought a copy of Alice and I am getting my ass whooped on the easy speed but I am still trying to beat it...even though I know I will probably not go back to it on harder levels. we'll see though) The video game though was one of the better parts of the weekend for me though. I could fall into it and be less mindful of all the other stress I am running around with. Less aware, anyways. So those lonely engineers got something when they spend years playing Counterstrike. *sigh* emotions and stress... Mostly resentment at this point. resentment of everyone online. well...not EVERYONE. I haven't bitched out that many people yet. But enough. Swingers mostly discourage me right now because their searches and my searches never line up. They seem to have a much narrower set of criteria of who they will party with than I do. Of course, I could be setting my standards too high but I don't think so. i don't want to stoop to making a bar mistake or hooking up with someone I am not fully attracted to just to swing. I know spk won't so why should I? but I get hit on by these stupid trolls! It's all I ever get unless I am willing to play alone. I don't even want to think about single guys right now. The idea just disgusts me but I am getting to the point of feeling like I am totally isolated into nunhood (and not the hot lesbian BD nunhood either). Yes, I have spk and I love him still and I love fucking him and all that but he's right we need variety or we go insane. I am hitting those bumps of insanity right now. We have a party to go to Friday so I hope that yields something. The last party went well but there was nobody who was really attractive to play with so we ended up in long discussions with the other voyeurs. It wasn't bad but I am getting randy for action. So frustrated like a fat middle aged man. and I am still a little stressed about school. I should have done that draft instead of rearranging the house. I should figure out what the hell I am doing on my Bentley project (you want the captain of the lost team, here I am!) and how I am suppossed to be doing it, directions are right now to explore our topic and I am not seeing a future in mine...but I am hoping it will all clear up sometime soon. and I want to get out but it's getting cold outside so that is kind of waning. maybe I should just stay home and work on school for awhile. My plan on that front is to hang out online when I first get home for a while and talk to whomever wants to say hello. maybe cruise a chatroom, maybe not. Then unplug the internet and work on my schoolwork in the mid evening finishing the night if I am a good girl with a round or two of Alice. Anyone gets in my way online I am just going to hit ignore. Some people I will forgive in less painful times, others of y'all I guess I just don't care to waste my time being nice if it doesn't give me anything. As for seeing people in real-life, unless you are pre-approved to be my friend, which would be my current crew plus a small group of people I would like to become my friends, I probably won't see you. pre-approved people, worry not, I will still see you. as for business...I'd like to keep that up but I don't know. I am already hitting conflicts with this weekend which I am considering just telling my regular that I will see him after the New Year. Too much stuff in one weekend for me to do, even if I need winter togs. sanity might come first. oh yeah, another bummer...I didn't make first callbacks. Daphne |