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getting better all right another day... spk and I talked for a long time on the phone last night and things are good between us and I am glad about that. We both still want to be friends and the act on my part was mutual with his. He related something about a similar relationship when he was my age that lasted for eight years and by the end he hated the woman he was with and he never wants to hate me. he read me the comments on the side of the blog over the phone in tears and I felt horrible, still tearing up reading them now, but it's over. I think we might make good friends now that we have both realized that together we make crappy lovers. I will get my shit worked out and if it happens at another time and in a better way, good, if not I think the friends thing might be fun. I still love him and he loves me and I think losing each other would be a bad thing. He regrets having to go back into, what I so coined, the Desert of Opportunity to a single man in swinging and that it will take a long time for him to find an open woman again, if ever. I admit that sucks, but I need to try and get through this obsession I have with women right now too so it's for the best. We talked about the future and the fun we might have after if we can get past the raging emotions for each other and just be two cool people at the Schvitz or something...will take time but from the nice conversation we had I think it won't take as much as I thought. *sigh* so it's good so far. more relaxed and happy. not as much drama, etc. I think it will be good for both of us in a lot of ways. as for last night, spend it sleeping early. called everyone because I was lonely. sad but true. fell asleep talking to TS on the phone which was nice but I want to see her in person sometime soon. Mucho thanks though to everyone who has been sending me emails about my courage and stuff. I don't think it took that much balls to break away, just enough to get through the initial shock. Maybe it takes more than I want to own up to though, so thanks. thanks a lot. and once again, thanks to all of my friends for giving me the strength and support through the relationship and the power to end it. If it wasn't for you guys, I probably never would have woken up. and I told my mother even, and my mom is super cool about all of it and says she will phone me more often, I called her later all drunk and spilled more emotion on her too, and I hope she does. She offered to sponser my party next week to celebrate school starting, the end of the relationship, and Codi's B-Day. Speaking of which, I got to give her her present today. I hope she likes it. Spk actually found it, it's an Elvis bong, and I plan to rectify things between them. HUGE miscommunication on my part, he really did want to be friends with her, and somehow I got the idea I had to stay away from her which was totally false, and I hope now that they can be friends or at least civil to each other. anyway, if I haven't verbally or emailed you a party invite say something to me and I will let you know the details, assuming you can contribute a bit to the booze. My mom offered up a lot for her but I am not taking it all. I am not that heartbroken. Plans for today? See Codi, dinner with spk, maybe see TS. Finally saw Jacobsen yesterday and although I have no idea how to write my thesis, I think I might be able to do it. Talked about my escort stuff too and she worries about my getting busted but supports me. *sigh* she is such a lovely mom figure to me that it hurts. I don't care though, I will cry as much as I want now. there's no reason not to. Daphne |