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alley news, happier daphne Ok highly buzzed at work, not good. going to write a quickish entry and then play pinball until the jerk boss gets in. he was a total pain in the ass yesterday, OMG! Of course, I was pissy if you didn't read the last entry, but still he kept going on and on about failures to communicate, which bascially meant that we were only answering people's questions and not prying into everything they weren't asking. I kind of find him a nosy person at times because it does help to interrogate some people who aren't forthcoming and need equipment or something but at other times he's just being annoying. So starting to hate working here all over again. got through the day though with Ben and Jerry's stashed in the basement. I wasted five bucks on two pints but it helped. whenever I was feeling extremely peevy I went down and ate some of it. then I would come back decently refreshed and ready to go another round. the office work blows though. I wish that I was out on inventory again. soon he is thinking of sending us out to clean, which I am not sure I should be doing with these allergies going on. I thought it might be the department cold that has been going around but most of it triggers from smelling something with chemicals in it so I think my allergies are rising...yeehaw. i did get out of the funk though and it feels wonderful. I got high and watched some TV and went on the internet yesterday. While being completely baked at one point I had a good cry about losing ideals and dreams and such. It helped. I relaxed and eventually I realized that everything is okay. If nobody wants to be with me, that's fine. I can work on my stuff and live on my own if needed. no big deal. I have no idea what caused the freakout, I am either thinking the Zelnorm or something crept up on me, but I am glad I got through it. and I do have a bit of dirtiness to air :) not as good as I hoped but a gang of eight guys walked under the window last night when I was sitting up and reading naked and one spotted this "nasty naked bitch" (that's the part I don't like). so they all made a huge pretense about walking back through the alley and they laughed at me. then they went around again and finally drove their car super-slow out and one yelled the same thing again. I am kind of pissed that they called me nasty though because I was looking at my body earlier and I realized that what I keep thinking about myself, that I am pretty hot, is probably wrong. My thighs have celluite on them, I have scars and all sorts of wrinkles from God knows what, my knees are chubby, and flab rules the landscape. maybe the dumbass college kids are right, maybe I don't have the bodytype that should be bared. but then again for people needing to call me nasty they certainly made sure they got a good look at it ;) I was half hoping to see one drive back later and try to talk to me. in other alley news, I swear I saw the old asshole of an ex PORN walk through earlier in the evening with his mom. It was freaky, I heard his laugh and saw his fat face so I ran to the window to yell his last name but they had already turned the corner out of the alley. I hoped that they would go back through later but I never caught them again. spk suggested that I send him an email but after he blew me off I don't think I will. long story short on that, he was a subbie that I wanted to play with, he came to college here, after a week of not hearing from him I called for a good licking and his rooommate told me (I could hear PORN in the background giggling) that he was busy with other girls in their room. seems like he found some other sluts, or better-looking ones maybe, and I wasn't neccessary. all the stigma about being a fat girl ran back to me at that point, they only play with you when there is nothing else avalible, they'll drop you to just look at a cuter girl's panties, you will only be sex to them...etc, and I don't want to be the elephant begging him back, basically. so no. if he wanted me he wouldn't have pulled those childish games. I had something else to say but it flew out of my mind. oh yeah, found a good group on the net and I hope to meet some local gals from it. have read many profiles in there looking for first time girlfriends for women who have boyfriends as well. don't know what will work out, but could be fun :D lost my train of thought. nothing new to add I think. going to slack off some today but also get some things done. get to do the tube again tomorrow, wish me luck! Daphne |