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Carli, sexual openness, body issues Ok I am almost awake. I stayed out late, well I got in okay but Top Hat and I talked until about 1am and I was so hyped up about the discussion I didn't fall asleep until about one thirty. So, spk I love you but I doubted that you wanted to be woken up at that hour so I didn't call. Anyway, yesterday was a very strange but good day. Top Hat and I went to the 8Ball and they were cool with his only being 19. He isn't into drinking anyway but went with me to shoot pool and do darts or something. We played two games of pool which he kicked my ass at, don't play pool with anyone who knows more math than you, but it was nice because I wasn't competitive, although I am jealous that he can shoot from the hip really really well. We followed that with a few rounds of darts, cricket style, and I caught up. Part of me wonders if he was trying not to aim but I am happy that I have improved on that front. I still can't shoot a bull's eye worth a damn though. We exchanged some cool stories about our lives and the bar was getting noisy so we headed back to my place. We ended up in the kitchen talking for a few hours after that about sex and life and stuff. I told him how I felt about him, I really did want to date him at one point, and my slight bit of jealousy that he might have the opportunity of a full MFF threesome. he claims that he won't now that two of the girls he is kind of seeing, it's complicated and involves a lot of women, aren't interested in each other but he wants to. I don't blame him, I do too but I worry about relationship issues with things at this point. i am getting more open but it is taking time. We talked a lot though about sex and stuff and I griped about the D situation and my general weirdness in certain situations, mostly using a vibrator after sex because I can't get off any other way and things like that. I did tell him though that I found it funny that we can talk so openly about stuff and how afraid I was about weirding him out when we first met. he said he had a kind of hidden prep for it though because when he popped my name into Google he got my Wish List on Amazon and was pretty sure he knew what he was dealing with...even though I appeared normal in class. We have a weird relationship between us but it is nice to have someone to chat with and I enjoy him and Moscat because they are okay with hearing these things, they don't judge, and they don't get freaked out. I tend to self-edit a lot more around Top Hat though because he leaves details out of his own stories so to not offend him I keep things a bit cleaner but I get the point across. He said that he likes having a semi expert around to talk to about sex and things too because, like a lot of my friends and aquaintences, I am the most open about my life and knowledge and I know more about sex than most people my age. It's nice for me though because I do consider myself a resource and sex work is partially education as well. That's what kept me up. After the lovely wet excited talk we had, I eventually had to go to sleep so I had to shoo him out, I was thinking about starting some sort of informal organization at my house to have a space to talk about those sorts of things. I would put up flyers with my name and number and some stuff about people getting together to discuss sex and ask questions. Then I could contribute more to other people's lives and possibly help them out. Did I ever mention my wanting to be a sex therapist? So all in all that was good. The antibiotics appear to be working. If things are down tomorrow I might go to the orgy. I will have spk take a look and tell me what he thinks. I can see some of it and it looks to be going away. I talked to Codi about a ride to Towner, and I wanted to call spk about doing it today, and she said she will once she gets her car fixed next week if it doesn't cost too much. I kind of wanted to go sooner so I was hoping to find someone else for the ride...hmmm might ask Top Hat because he is a local...but don't want to bum off of him too much, I just need to go soon. So that is kind of on hiatus. Kimmy is also on hiatus or over. I am not sure. She contacted me saying she couldn't make Tuesday because her wife is getting ancy and wants her at home for some reason, she wasn't specific. She said that she could cruise by tomorrow and say hello if I wanted, nothing big just coffee, and she is a nice girl but I am running out of time to do other work right now so I had to turn her down on it. I'd like to keep being friends with her and i wanted to play with her and spk but from what I gather from the emails she can't escape the house too often so it might be more work than it is worth. right now, I can't deal with covering for married men so I think that I am going to pass. It's no huge loss though because I have been chatting with another CD Carli. She talks to spk too I think, not sure haven't been talking much to spk myself lately, and she seems really nice. she has a girlfriend back in CO though that she is really loyal to so we can't meet. It kind of sucks because we have awesome conversations but I respect that. She and spk might get together on their own and she gave me her girlfriend's IM name, hi girlfriend! I know you read the blog! so that I could chat with her, which I want to do. After talking with Carli I think the three of us might have a lot in common, but we'll see. and don't worry I won't mess with Carli without you, spk and I have that same rule so I totally respect what's going on. The girlfriend is a cutie though, about my size, looks a bit like a sorority chick but in her pics she is always smiling and looking energetic. I hope she is as cool as she looks because I really do like her so far ;) too bad she is out in CO and I am out here...but who knows how things work out? will quit speculating... so that was yesterday. i have a psych experiment to go to today and I need to take some notes. I want to see spk today too but I know that it might not be worth the drive for him so if it doesn't happen I will take more notes and live, I guess. I am trying to get back into my exercise program too, I stretched my tummy over the end of my bed for thirty minutes and did some crunches before I cleaned and ran on the health walker again. I really want a flat tummy and I am thinking about lipo again just because it takes too much work to attempt to reconfigure my body normally. I have no idea how people lose so much weight...but anyway. I had to do it after being in Twiggy, which I learned carries more than a size eight. It actually carries 2-12 but only one or two in each size because the dresses are really designer work and at least 150 a pop. I tried on one that was way to small and another that looked really nice on me but I couldn't afford it. the salesgirl there was super nice and I told her so because I usually get a cold reception from the snooty black girls who work there so I was glad to meet a cute redhead that knows what she is doing. it made me feel good but when I got home I looked at my body and got back into the I AM SO FAT mode and the I HATE MY FAT (insert all parts here) and as always questioning WHY CAN'T I Be Skinny? I still think Slimness is wasted on a lot of people who don't use it and that some of it should be redistributed to the sexy confidant women that need it, like the big girls at the orgys, and taken away from people who don't appreciate it, like nerdy little girls that never get out. but then again, that would only be if the world was fair. :) hope to chat with you again Carli and you too Carli's girlfriend! Daphne Please check out *sigh* if you have a few moments, it's a really good comic that I follow. I was wandering through onlinecomics.net, which has waay too many comics for me now, and I took the quiz for the heck of it. :)
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